Technology, magic, and the in-between

How to kill a healthy sentence

I was presented with this example when I was about to write my B.A. thesis in philosophy. It has served me as a good reminder on how not to write good prose. Curiously enough, I couldn't find this on Google. The meta-search engine Mamma however, could find one instance at http://www.lacasahassel.net/cv/martin/howto.htm.

How to kill a healthy sentence

  1. Begin with a sentence that is clear and direct:
    To think clearly, write clearly.

  2. Change its verbs, adjectives, and adverbs into abstract nouns:
    For clarity of thought, seek clarity of writing.

  3. Make the sentence passive:
    For clarity of thought, clarity of writing should be sought.

  4. Use two words where one would do:
    For mental process clarity, prose expression clarity should be looked for.

  5. Use plenty of 'in regard to' and 'as to':
    For clarity in regard to mental processes, clarity as to prose expression should be looked for.

  6. Sprinkle with words that do not add anything:
    For there ever to be any kind of clarity in regard to mental processes, the most fundamental and basic end goal of clarity as to prose expression definitely ought to be looked for to the greatest extent that is possible by every writer.

  7. Put everything in the negative:
    For there to be no lack of clarity in regard to mental processes, the most fundamental and basic end goal of clarity in regard to prose expression definitely ought not to be overlooked to the greatest extent that is not at all impossible by all writers.

  8. Repeat the preceding steps. (Several times):
    In regard to the issue of clarity, there is no lack of certainty that if there is to be successful avoidance of unclarity in regard to inward mental cognitive activity situation, the basic and fundamental end goal and objective of clarity, in any, indeed in all, written prose expression attempts is not something that can be overlooked without danger or avoided to the greatest degree that is not at all impossible, without exception.